Growing up, I did not feel as though mental illness was portrayed particularly well in the media; if, it was talked about at all. As a youngster, the only affiliations with mental health I could relate to was when an Eastenders character was diagnosed with schizophrenia and celebrity-endsored versions of OCD which glorified neatly-stacked pantry cupboards and tidy living rooms.
Unsurpurprisingly, when I was first diagnosed with GAD and OCD as a teenager, I felt like an outcast; a freak. Of course, I do not believe these things about myself now, because I count myself lucky to have been an adolescent as we witnessed a revolution in mental health. Of course, we still have a long-way to go. But there are people who I believe have been pivotal in motioning the revolution in mental health. They are my heroes. Superheroes intact.
One of these heroes is Bryony Gordon.
In 2016, a doctor told me that there is a strong possibility that I sometimes suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. When I first heard these words, I crumpled under the weight of them because I didn’t want to be defined by them. At the time, I didn’t really know much about the disorder, and I didn’t personally know of anyone who had ever suffered from it. If I’m honest, this felt a little bleak.
Then in 2017, my mum recommended that I read a book she had read on her holiday. It was called Mad Girl by a writer called Bryony Gordon. I remember pondering the book for a few days, not being a big reader myself, until – eventually, I picked it up and read. I read and I read and I read. Reader – I have never found a book more relatable.
As I read, I laughed, cried, smiled, and rejoiced. I rejoiced because it triggered a major realisation in my journey to accepting life with a mental illness. I rejoiced because it made me realise this – mental illness is absolutely normal. I remember reading Gordon’s anecdotes about spending her childhood convinced that she had contracted AIDs – and I felt normal. I read about the times she insisted that she and her siblings left their christmas stockings outside of the front door so as not to let a stranger (Father Christmas) into her house – and I felt normal.
After years of feeling like an outcast; this was a big turning point for me. It made me feel normal for the preceding months of my driving test, most of which I spent worrying that I had ran over a person in the road, rather than a speed bump. It made me feel normal for the time I took my iron to work in the boot of my car in case I accidentally burnt the flat down. It made me feel normal for all the occasions when a simple task of leaving the house has turned into a 30 minute quest, whereby doors and switches have to be checked at least six million times [sic]. I’m being flippant, of course – but the sentiment is there.
This book was so important to me, because it proved that life existed beyond mental illness. It proved that life does get better. It made me see, far from what I had imagined – it was completely possible to have a mental illness and a normal, fulfilled life.
Last year, I then discovered Gordon’s podcast series for the Telegraph, entitled “Mad World.” I was late to the party, unlike me – but discovered Gordon’s interviews with a variety of people from different walks of life, all talking about their experience of mental illness. Once again, I was overcome with empathy and took comfort in these brave people sharing their journeys with the world.
Bryony Gordon’s work has been important to me because it has encouraged me to speak more openly about the demons in my own head. It’s encouraged me to be more honest about my mental health and seek help when I need it the most – both from my loved ones and medical professionals.
So friends, if you need to share some in some empathy as you battle your own demons; if you need some light-hearted, upbeat literature about mental illness (as contrary as that reads) I would highly recommend Bryony Gordon’s work.
And if you have any mental health heroes who you would like to celebrate – please share.
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Talking Heads 