Life’s gotten pretty shite over the past couple of weeks. It´s been hard to get my shit together. Living with a mental disorder is hardwork, of course it is – but it´s time to stop making excuses and get my head into a good place.
To do this, I have made some promises to myself.
- I am not going to drink alcohol anymore. Like lots of people who experience high levels of panic and anxiety, I have often used alcohol in an attempt to suppress my worries. However, obviously this is not an effective coping mechanism. And until I can handle drinking alcohol socially, I cannot drink at all.
I have been really worried about committing to this, but last night I experienced my first night out without drinking and it really wasn’t so bad! You see the night from a very different perspective. I felt safer; in control. In addition, I didn´t experienence a hangover this morning, nor did I feel the wave of “oh-my-gosh-what-did-I-do-last-night” panic that I usually do. Result!
2. I am always going to remember that I have the most amazing support network around me. When you´re feeling bleak about yourself, it´s easy to become selfish and forget that there are lots of people cheering you on; who just want you to be okay.
My family have been amazing over the past few months. I know it hurts them to see me struggle through my darker days but they have never given up on me, and I am so thankful that they havent.
My friends have been my chief advocates. They have encouraged me, supported me and, most importantly – loved me. It must be hardwork to be my friend at times, but I am lucky to have some of the most loyal, trusting friends in the world. And they´re a right laugh which makes the shite days a little bit more brighter.
My partner is so supportive. There have been many times when I wouldn´t have blamed him for giving up on me. But we´re going to get through this together and grow even stronger.
The point I am making is this – it can be easy to forget and take for granted how much love and support there is around you. And to all of those people – thank you.
3. I am going to give myself a break.
This is not to excuse the things I´ve done, or dismiss them. It is simply to not beat myself up about things. To let things go. To forgive myself. I think this is important because when you´re not in a completely healthy mindset, you can do stupid things. In order to have a clean, fresh start, you need to be able to accept your flaws, but forgive yourself for them.
It´s time to start again.
L x
Talking Heads 